


You're My Panacea

by captainxero



Category: Topp Dogg (Band)
Genre: Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Genderfluid Character, Other, Queer Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-15 22:08:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3463859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainxero/pseuds/captainxero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taeyang has a way with words that makes Nakta feel better about themself. Taeyang is Nakta's Panacea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're My Panacea

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, I want to be really clear with possible triggers here, so I'm placing them in the notes to keep everyone safe. This story does have a small bit of angst. There's implied emotional abuse, it's not in great detail, but it does deal with manipulation and mistreatment from an authority figure, a counselor. Also, there is misgendering and not believing there are genders outside of male and female, which I know is really triggering for a lot of people.  
> I also want to make it clear that this is written from personal experience, although it's not going to be representative of the entire queer population, it's based off my experiences, and mine may differ and I mean no offense to anyone by the way I portray being gender queer. It's merely translated from my experiences, and I can't speak for everyone.

“Holy shit, he better be here...I'm going to die if he's not at home. Agh, Taeyang...”

Yoonchul at least had a key, but they didn't think Taeyang would have enjoyed finding Yoonchul sitting in his house if he weren't there. In fact, Taeyang would probably have had a heart attack and thrown something at Yoonchul before he would realize who it was. Yoonchul closed their eyes and stood in silence, trembling and sniffing every once in a while, reminding themself that they were still upset. Very, very upset.

 

Taeyang opened the door to his apartment and peeked into the hallway, cocking his head and squinting when he saw Yoonchul there. Taeyang fingered with the lock on the doorknob to keep his hands busy as he waited patiently for Yoonchul to notice he'd opened the door. He didn't even flinch. Taeyang shook his head with a sly smile as he sighed, “Uh, yes, hello? Anyone in that brain of yours today?”

“Oh Lord, thank goodness you're here,” Yoonchul exhaled, finally letting go of that acute feeling of wanting to punch anything in reach. They bit their lip and looked right into Taeyang's eyes, who seemed generally very confused, “Can I talk to you? Are you busy?”

Taeyang shook his head and moved out of the door frame, motioning inside with his hands, “No, no, I'm not busy. What's up?”

 

“It's like noon, don't you have a class or something?” Taeyang questioned, curling his knees up towards his chest. He sat on the end of the small couch against the wall in the living room, which wasn't much of a living room. It was more like a tiny blob of kitchen, a table to eat on, and a place to sit that was not a dining chair or a bunk bed, which he happened to hate with a hell of a lot of passion.

Yoonchul shook their head as they scooted into the middle beside Taeyang, but had to tuck their legs under themself so they didn't have a coffee table stabbing into their knees. Oh, the pains of being much too tall in a college dorm apartment.

Taeyang nodded awkwardly and shifted his gaze to the wall, "Quiet much? I mean...never mind. Something's wrong and I know it. Spit it out."

 

"My counselor told me gender fluid wasn't a real gender," Yoonchul responded with a grimace, "I don't know why I even see her. Right, because my mom made me because she thinks I'm weird. I don't know why I didn't leave yet, I guess I'm afraid of my mom being angry with me. I don't even live with her. And I'm not even weird. I'm just shy. I don't HAVE to socialize with every person I see, do I?"

Taeyang shook his head and extended his hand, brushing his fingers along Yoonchul's jawline to comfort them, "No, but that's not the point. What happened, lovely?"

"She asked me how I was," Yoonchul continued, swallowing the lump in their throat, "And I told her I felt like shit because yesterday I really felt like presenting female but I couldn't since I was at my parents' house and I'm afraid of them pretty much because they're going to misgender me and mock me forever. Anyway, so I told her that, and she asked me why a male would want to dress as a female, and I told her I identified as gender fluid and she said that I was making this up, there was no such thing, and that I should man up and stop being so, and I will quote her here, 'gay'. Have you ever just really wanted to punch someone but you won't because you don't want to get arrested?"

Taeyang nodded, "Many times, many times, Yoonchul...I'm glad you didn't hit her, though, but I can understand." He chewed on the inside of his cheek and frowned, "I'm sorry, lovely. She's stupid. Gender fluid is a real thing, it's absolutely real, and you can present and identify however you feel fits you. Don't listen to her. You're gender fluid, and if you want to present female, do it. That's who you are, it's a real gender, and wow, that's really homophobic and queerphobic, and not to mention really shitty."

"I hate her. I don't want to see her again."

"Then don't," Taeyang responded while he reached over and curled his arms around Yoonchul's shoulders, "You don't need her. One, I don't even understand why your mother made you go in the first place...you're just shy, you're not weird. And two, you don't deserve to listen to someone who is queerphobic and homophobic. Just quit going, you don't need a counselor. You're fucking 22 years old. Don't be afraid of your mother. You can make your own decisions, and you know what you're doing."

Yoonchul nodded as they leaned towards Taeyang and sighed, finally returning the hug Taeyang had given him a minute ago, "I'm not going back to her. I still really don't know why I didn't stop seeing her, it's probably my mom and the feeling that my counselor thinks I'm helpless on my own. I don't think I'm helpless. And really it didn't help that she doesn't think gender fluidity is a real gender."

"Just don't listen to her," Taeyang replied, "It's a real thing, and I'm going to tell you that every time. If someone doesn't believe it, then it's their problem, not yours. You're gender fluid, and you deserve to be able to identify that way and feel accepted by people."

"Thank you," Yoonchul murmured, sighing again with a small sniffle. They managed a smile and squeezed Taeyang in a hug, "I really shouldn't just throw all these issues at you but I'm just having a shitty day. She thinks gender fluidity isn't real, I want to present female today but I was afraid of going to see her when presenting female and I just really hate myself at the moment. I want to present female but I'm not at the moment and I feel so out of place. I'm not in the right body, I'm not..."

Taeyang's fingers smoothed the wrinkles of the fabric in Yoonchul's shirt as he nuzzled himself closer to them, "Then I'll go back to your apartment with you and you can change clothes and I'll be there to confirm how hella adorable you are. Because truthfully you are hella adorable no matter what way you present and I'm not letting you forget that ever. Remembering you're cute is just as important as knowing your gender is absolutely real."

 


End file.
